immaturity

This is going to be a wordy post. I realize that this blog started off with the intentions of being filled with pretty pictures and lovely stories, but sometimes I just need to clear these cobwebs that have been collecting in my soul.

Being so far away from home has definitely changed me. For better or for worse, I really don't know yet. I'm hopeful that it is for the better though. Well anyways, the time I've spent here, it has been a great learning experience. You never realize how much you depend on people until the moment when you're separated and suddenly you're left with all these decisions you have to make, and whatever it is you need to do to survive in the world.

I was only a child, and children make mistakes. Children are easily influenced, their brains are like play-doh, and you need the right person to mould you, if you want to be someone worthy. You were never a worthy choice for me, and I have no one else to blame but myself for making such a poor judgement. Can I blame you for treating me like an adult when I was clearly not one? What I have now is a sad predicament when all I can do is look back and only see years of bad decisions made one after another. But you know what makes me happy now? After all the dust has settled, and the realization dawns upon me that there is really NO point at all to bother about you anymore... My future is bright. I have something to look forward to, and something that I can proudly say that I am making progress towards. I realized that I am fortunate, to have this opportunity, and that whatever time I spend regretting the past is just a waste... of time, of energy, of my soul.

So, no, while I am never really going to get over the fact that I wasted so much of my time heading to nowhere, I have this moment now and the moments after this one, to have a better life. You'll probably never ever read this, nor would you even have the capacity to see that I can forget you easily, not because I'm a heartless person, but because you were not someone worthy of remembering to me.